It's like the more money we come across
The more problems we see
-- Biggie

Ok, so I went to Target yesterday. I'm chilling and minding my own business. I was cruising around near the milk and trying to peel back the thick layers of medicine fog to determine if I, in fact, needed yet another 6 pack of 20 oz. Dasani water, or if I had enough for the week. Up the aisle, back down the aisle.

So I decide against the purchase of more water and turn around. I glance down and see a ten spot on the floor. I reach and grab it and immediately begin questioning everyone in close proximity to said bling bling if this was their bank roll in my palm. I got several no's and then this one dude took the bill out of my hand to closely inspect it... I begin to think that the wheels in his brain are spinning in the direction of, "Hmm.... I should just take this from her." But he thought it over and handed it back to me, just in time for his wife to walk up and say to me "Hey, it's your lucky day."

So, with that, I walk off. And I'm thinking. Now, I already know what I'm doing with the money, no doubt, but you know, you still think about it. I checked out and went to the service desk.

An approximately 16 year old boy with the dirty Q-Tip hair style that I loathe was working the desk. "Yeah, can I help you?" "Uh, I found this money by the milk case." "Way cool!" Followed by boy snatching said $10 out of my hand and shoving it in a drawer next to him. I stare blankly. Now, I didn't expect a commendation or award for my honesty. But you're thinking what I was thinking, that child is going to pocket that money just as soon as I turn around. So I slowly start to walk away and Q-Tip shouts, "Hey, that was honest of you."

Yeah, yeah it was. My good deed of the week and Q-Tip will be using it to buy the new Fat Joe CD, or some more peroxide.

Amy

Ok, so you had to know that I’d eventually get back to the elevator topic, right?

Of course the elevators have been screwed up for the past few weeks. One in particular just seems to refuse to shut its doors, even after you select your designated floor. Let me stop here and say what I told my good friend Holli a while back. I want to get on an intercom somewhere and scream, “What the hell is wrong with you? No, not some of you, but all of y’all!” The good news is that I found this incident amusing instead of infuriating -- y’all do know my temper.

So, I was walking to the elevator with a friend and we stepped on one that was already crowded. More folks got on after us. A crazy old man who apparently suffers from “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it any more” syndrome was by the buttons. He had punched the buttons for all the floors that our rag tag bunch of passengers yelled out to him. Now, let’s be off. But no, this elevator decides to act a fool and refuse to shut it’s doors. The natives grew restless. The old man promptly balled his fist up and punched the door close button. For this injustice the elevator shrieked beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!! And still refused to shut the door. Now I’m standing in the back and I’m thisclose to jumping off said elevator. Now the old dude is really mad, he mutters something and takes his fist and repeatedly punches the buttons as if he was contending for the heavyweight championship of the world.

Way to go, old man – now you’ve made it mad! Finally the doors groan shut and we inch upward. Meanwhile, I begin running my big mouth about how this is the elevator that was messed up last week. Pop! The floor makes a noise beneath us. I’m still talking. ( I swear, I couldn’t stop. I was like Ross in “The one where Ross can’t flirt”. You know that one – when he orders all that pizza to try to flirt with the delivery girl and he ends up talking about how they add smell to natural gas.)

Anyway, now everyone is murmuring about what would happen if we got stuck. I declared to aforementioned friend that she would have to knock me completely unconscious if we did get stuck. Everyone laughs. POP! Goes the elevator! Now we’re for real nervous. The lady in front of me turns around and says, “Mmm hmm. Ms. Dabbs, I see, we will be blaming you if we get stuck!” With each stop at each floor we inch towards 9 and freedom. After the old man bails, I can’t resist and I say, “What was with that guy punching the buttons?? I think he made the elevator mad.” Everyone laughs and agrees and we all breathe a sigh of relief when the doors do open at 9 and we pile off. Crisis averted.

Stayed tuned for scenes from tomorrow's Office Space Elevator Chronicles ------

Ames