The heat is ooonnnn
- Glenn Frey

Wait, did I really just use Glen Frey lyrics? Yikes. Old much? Hmm... don't answer that.

So I was given the opportunity by a friend from high school and college to be featured in a blog for her company magazines.com. She emailed me a series of questions about my magazine reading habits, my favorite magazine, etc. It's a cool concept and she is featuring a different person each month. As my luck would have it, the first profile featured a dude that reads the New Yorker. Yeah...so... what did I pick as my favorite?

Well, you may have to wait and see!

In the meantime, here's a burning question - for the article, she told me to feel free to put in links to ther sites, so should I link to this site? Do we want random people reading the amydabbsness or no? I can't make up my mind, so it is up to you dear reader(s).

- dabbs

I've never been so insecure of what I know
I've gotta figure this out
I need a story to tell
Where's the feeling I long for?
I've gotta figure it out
- Erin McCarley

I don’t like change. That’s just all there is to it. Even when I know it would be good for me, I have a hard time taking that first step. Because, after all, what is scarier than the unknown? And I’m at the perfect time in my life to pretty much up and do whatever I want. I’m not married and not tied down in any way whatsoever (except for that pesky mortgage).

So the question is what do I want to do with myself exactly?

And the answer is a resounding, “Yeah, I don’t know.”

Until I moved away for college, I lived in the same house my entire life. My parents, thankfully, have been happily married for almost 40 years. I've been going to the same church since I was 6 years old, and I still attend when I’m home visiting. So, I come from a rock solid environment and for that I’m thankful. But I worry it has almost made me complacent.

Making the decision to go to The University of Alabama was a hard one. It would’ve been much easier to go to UAH and live at home and basically have the same exact life. It would’ve been easier to go to UNA, where I already had friends and would have fit right in immediately and could’ve even come home during the week if I wanted. But in the end, UA was it for me because, lord help me, I wanted, craved, needed that Advertising degree.

It was the right choice.

Moving back home after college was a given, as I had no job lined up and no choice. It worked out for the best as I started my career in a place that allowed me to do a whole lot more work than they should have considering my lack of experience. I met life long friends and enjoyed being back in my home town again. When I finally realized I had gone as far as I could there, I was determined to make my next move be somewhere away – somewhere that I would truly be on my own. Could I do it? Could I survive?

And so far I have. That was seven years and four months ago. My twenties are gone and I feel relatively happy about the way I spent them. Would I do some things differently? Absolutely. But, I don’t regret much and I have learned a lot about myself. I settled into a career that I never would have imagined I would have. I made some great friends and I bought a house.

And now I don’t know what’s next. Not that you ever really do know what’s next, with life being what happens while we make plans and all, but right now I can feel that proverbial crossroads in front of me.

I need a change. And I do mean a whole, encompassing change from the inside out. I’m ready to go places, see things, meet people and maybe try to find that 23 year old girl that wasn’t afraid to take a leap when she saw an opportunity.

“Life is short / Love is sweet / Ain’t no time like this time, baby.” – Carrie Underwood

- Some unknown band in Austin, TX

So I went to Austin this weekend with Holli. A few years ago we started what was supposed to be an annual girls’ trip on MLK weekend. This year, for various reasons, it was just the two of us that headed out to the Lonestar state. We were visiting our friend Kelly and had the pleasure of meeting her boyfriend Dauphin on this trip. He was gracious enough to let two total strangers crash at his place for the weekend. What a trooper. And Kelly, as always, was awesome to hang with. We couldn't have asked for a better hostess.

I really do love to travel. There’s nothing like it for a lot of reasons. The first one being, hello, you’re not at work. And for me, something I rediscovered this weekend, is that you’re free from being yourself for a few days. Vacation is a great chance to do things, go places and let loose in ways that I never do in real life. It occurred to me several times in the few short days I was away how much I just simply felt better. How much happier I was, how much more laid back I was and how eager I was to see things and go places and try new things. (Hello, beer? Yeah, actually had some in Austin, which is a tremendous surprise for those that know me well). I’m sure most people feel this way on vacation, but the part that stuck in my mind is how to carry over this sort of persona, or state of mind into my real life back home. Is it possible?

Because here in the real world, I’ve become complacent, boring, timid and tired, really. And that, friends, is the main reason I quit writing here. Because really, what did I have to write about that was interesting anymore? Was it ever interesting to begin with? (Wait, maybe don’t answer that… mama’s feeling sensitive today). The truth is, I was depressed. And not like, oh, I’m sad at the holidays type depressed. But full on, crisis mode, depressed. But no worries, I did deal with it. It just so happens that I didn’t want to deal with it in a very public way, like say, on the internet for all to see. But now that I think about it, why not? People struggle with depression, anxiety and a million other things every day, so why be ashamed?

Now that I seem to be mostly on the other side of that, it’s time to try to find me again. Fun Amy lost her way. Funny Amy turned into cynical, sarcastic Amy. Nice Amy turned into an angry, unhappy Amy. Justin Timberlake may have brought sexy back, but me? In 2010, I’m bringing old school Amy back. And if you want to follow along for the ride, I’d love it. Much more to come, including a closer look at the coolness that was Austin. In the meantime, peace out.

dabbs