-- Maroon 5
First off, shout out to Maroon 5 – finally a new record in stores today. I can’t wait to get my hot little hands on it. Now…
I’m fair. Meaning, I’m totally white. That’s just all there is to it. 1/16th Native American and 15/16ths Irish and English do not a sun kissed beauty make. But I know this about myself. I can’t tan. I’ve tried before. The summer after my freshman year in college I spent my time working at Big Lots (shudder), swimming or being dragged to the tanning bed with my mother. (Side note, my parents are both easy to tan. The both usually have a nice tan by early May without even trying.) At the beginning of the next school year, I was all tan and ready. Tan for me, that is. Of course I’m still the whitest person on campus. So that was it for me, I gave up trying.
When I was little my parents slathered me with suntan lotion for a day at the beach. I ended up a little pink, but pretty much ok. That night before going to dinner, my mother dried my hair and I screamed bloody murder when the brush hit my completely raw head. So yeah, I have to wear a hat. It isn’t even an option for me.
Sunday afternoon I took my pale ass outside with a book. (
Don't Sleep With A Bubba by Susan Reinhardt) I thought I would sit down and read in the sun to knock the chalk off my legs and arms at least a bit. No sunscreen, just a hat and shades. I had bought this book thinking it was a novel. It turned out to be a group of non-fiction humorous essays. I meant to read a chapter or two, but before I knew it, I was about 90 pages in and laughing hysterically. I glanced at my wrist that was lacking a watch and decided to go in.
There’s nothing like stepping into air conditioning after being outside. I guzzled some water, sat down for a minute and knew I was in trouble. My legs and arms were already bright pink. My knees already didn't want to bend from the suddenly hurting skin. Ugh. How dumb am I? Seriously. No sunscreen? And I had been out there for quite a while.
After a shower my legs were giving off enough heat to boil water. Luckily I had some Solarcaine which is probably the only reason I was able to survive. I expected to wake up and find a hole in my sheets from the searing heat coming off my shoulders and legs. Kidding, I know, dramatic much. Anyway, that was two burns in a row for me for the weekend - the first one came on Friday.
Friday night, I had the pleasure of having dinner with Liesa, Katie and Grace at Styx. It had been a very long time since I’d been on the Japanese side and we enjoyed it. But stupid me, I literally left the evening with blisters on my gums and under my tounge. NO, not from something right off the grill – I’m not a total idiot. But rather from an innocent looking crab wanton. A crab wanton that I’m embarrassed to admit was so freaking hot, it actually came back out of my mouth and back onto the plate. Yeah, you totally can’t take my chalky butt anywhere. Seriously.
